Who falls in love quicker, men or women?
Trust me, there is zero gender significance when it comes to falling in love and who does this quicker. Over the past thirty years, I have had to work fast and furious with people that fell in love, hard and fast, of all genders and all demographics. Some after only a week and some after a much longer time. However, all souls are capable of falling in love over time: hook, line and sinker. We never can tell or know when it is going to happen. It can be a great experience or like we have been hit by a train in a bad way. Be mindful, if love is not reciprocated, it can quickly become an obsession which requires addiction withdrawal.
Falling in love: when should you first say ‘I love you’?
Awkward! Or not, as the case may be. It is extraordinarily rare for two people to fall in love or realise they are in love or get to the stage of loving someone. Many people are great at falling in love but it is loving someone that takes time and investment. Loving a person is engaging with their vulnerability and sharing life’s experiences, feeling special and supporting each other long term. Falling in love is initial adrenalin, sparks and fireworks. It can die as fast as it starts or it can be a great foundation on which to build. SO when is it a good idea to share our feelings of love? The fear most people experience is because of the chance of rejection and feeling awkward. It may be better at this stage to ask Socratic questions or leading statements to test the ground between you both, such as, “This is feeling comfortable and I am enjoying our time together,” or “How are you seeing us as this feels good?” Always feel out the other person and only when you are sitting in a real and genuine place with yourself is it time to talk. Don’t send ‘love messages’ under the influence! Not a healthy thing to do. Choose your time carefully, and be mindful that the other person may not be as in touch with their feelings until you bring the subject up. So, tread carefully but be true to yourself.
Defining the relationship: When to have ‘the talk’
As above. Be true to yourself. If we are investing in a relationship by spending more time with and developing stronger feelings for a person, the time for ‘The Talk’ is usually brought about when we are being introduced to each other’s loved ones or Christmas, a birthday or some such event is looming. If ‘The Talk’ is around permanency or living together, remember it is a huge step and for good reasons. When we look at the next level of commitment, whatever that may mean for you, it is a good idea to break this process down into manageable steps. We don’t really get to know someone unless we are living with them. Our true selves sometimes do not appear, even on a vacation. If you’re considering moving in together, putting a ring on the finger or commingling funds by buying a home together, all of these are steps, some undoable and some more cementing. Find out about each other before doing ‘The Talk’. And be honest about finances, debts, etc. The worst step is to commit and then find the skeletons. Everyone has a story and it is important for all parties involved in a relationship who are becoming more serious or committed to know the whole story about each other. So, maybe go on a mission to find out more about each other, which will give us signals as to when ‘The Talk’ should come; after we understand whether we have/want children or not, have debts or not, if there will be a pre-nup required or not, etc. It is a lovely experience becoming closer and developing a deep and loving relationship; this is not a party pooper addition, it is real and practical advice so both parties are going in with open eyes and agreement for the future.
Main image credits: Royalty free image ©martm