We ALL have our own stories and secrets. No one knows us as we do ourselves. But for some of us, holding on to the knowledge of something from our past can really bother us and start eating us up. Why is this?
Are our secrets toxic?
It’s not necessarily the content we keep close that is toxic to us but more how these secrets impact on our belief system or moral judgement. The strength of this toxicity can also come down to the ways in which we were trained – through religion, culture or parental style – to manage such ‘wrongdoing’.
Dealing with painful secrets
A healthy way to exorcise this pain is to talk about it, to pull it out, to examine it for what it is and put it away once and for good. A not so effective way to manage these annoying, invasive thoughts (which often affect us when our defences are down, for example at night) is to self- medicate through alcohol and drug abuse, become an angry and un-engaging person or to use prescription drugs such as antidepressants, sleep aids and tranquillisers. All you are doing in this case is holding those issues slightly at bay, while causing a whole set of new ones. These band aid solutions will also cause or compound relationship problems
Do you have a secret that is affecting your relationship? As an experienced psychologist and therapist specialising in relationships, I can either help or refer you to someone who can.
Alternatively, you may find one of my Power of You psychology books helpful, especially if your darkest secrets are keeping you hooked into a toxic relationship (see Learning How to Leave), limiting your ability to be a healthy parent (see Raw Facts for Real Parents) or contributing to a relationship breakup (see Fork in the Road).
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